If You're Looking for a Laugh...

Thanks to a wonderful response to my soliciting, I have compiled what (I think) is a pretty hilarious montage of quotes from children of all ages. I was taken aback by the number of hilarious (and inappropriate) things that came up. So for your laughing pleasure: 

The Classic.
"I ate 100, 200, 32, 8 bites already!" -Wegman's child that inspired this entire post.

"I can't help clean Mama. My hair is grumpy and my knees are overheating. I need to rest instead." A.V. Age 3

"I'll have a root beer. Hold the root!" C.K. Age 10

"People in England speak the same language we do, just in a different font." L.S. Age 8

"Thank you for today, and thank you for everything, and Jesus, you be careful, okay?" J.R. Age 3

"I think I'll work on becoming a unicorn." K.G. Age 5

"That's just water from the trees, that's not rain." A.K. Age 2

"But I CAN'T lay down, because my hair is sticking up!" D.S. Age (almost) 3

 “Mommy, why is your hair so sparkly?” J.D. Age 4 (Because the old age fairy keeps visiting, of course.)

"Carrots have no trading value, Mom. None. Zippo." L.B. Age 13

The Mini Stories.
Q.K: "Daddy, we should buy some candy."
"Well, I don't have any extra money for candy."
Q.K: "Daddy, give me your wallet...I just want to check to make sure you haven't forgotten about any money in your wallet." 
- Q.K. Age 3 1/2

A two-year-old's attempt at asking for a bite of dinner: "bite ME!" -E.R. Age 2.5

"Aunt Ashley, are you sure there's not another baby in there?" -A.P. Age 4 when looking at her one-week-postpartum aunt.

I asked my son where the whale’s tail was in his drawing and he said “still in the crayon!” -J.K. Age 3

When my daughter introduced my husband to the neighbor: "This is Mama's friend, Dada." L.B. Age 2

My son wants a baby brother. The conversation ended like this:
"What if it is a baby sister?"
"Then that would be a bisaster!"
-M.H. Age 5

We sing a song about acorns at preschool. I asked on of my kiddos what kind of “nut” he is, a walnut, a peanut... "A pistachio!" -L.F.  Age 3 1/2 

 "Mom, what does 'pathetic' mean?" I answer that it's when someone is desperate for attention. She turns and looks back at her twin sister jumping around doing crazy things, "Yup, pathetic." J.S. Age 7 

It was super quiet in church when the woman leading songs asked us all to turn to page whatever in the music section called "breaking bread" and my middle son yelled, "Who's Freaky Fred?!" J.C. Age 3

Sometimes we overhear our son whispering or chatting quietly while playing and we'll ask him what (or who..?) he's talking to and he says, "I'm just talking to my own self." D.S. Age 4

The Not So G-Rated.
In response to seeing a bikini top for the first time. "Oh look, it is like a robe for your nipples!" Anonymous, Age 3

When your son says "crack my nuts" instead of "crack me up."

When she asked about private areas, I told her that she had a vagina. She asked if I had one too. I said 'yes' and she said, "Can I give it a high five?" -Anonymous 

"Is my 'gina getting married?" - G.C. Age 4

"When I grow up I'll have big testicles like my daddy." Anonymous 4-year-old to preschool teacher


...on that note. 

That's a wrap, folks! Thank you for giving me so many laughs. If you missed my requests for quotes, feel free to add yours in the comments!