'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a stinker was
stirring, not even a stinker-poo-pot;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Booger
Butt soon would be there;
Sugar Lips, Turd
Bird, and Sammich were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And Dingleberry in
her 'kerchief, and Little Pumpkin in
his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Tush and Mush sprang from bed to see what
was the matter.
Away to the window Turkey
Butt flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what Little
Bear's wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
Scooter Poop knew
in a moment it must be Torpedo.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And Sugar Britches
whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, BUTT MUNCH!
now, BUG! now, BOOBULA and BUTTON!
On, BEEFY! on BOON BOON! on, BOOGA and BAPPLE NUMMY SUM!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and Cocoa Bear too.
And then, in a twinkling, Cootie Pie heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As Nugget drew in
her hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Small
Friend came with a bound.
Skeezer was
dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And Bean Tiger’s
clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys Doogha
had flung on his back,
And Poopadoo looked
like a peddler just opening his pack.
The General’s
eyes -- how they twinkled! J-Dog’s
dimples how merry!
Whoa Whoa’s
cheeks were like roses, Stinker Butt’s nose like a cherry!
Goober’s droll
little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of Cubby
Bear’s chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe held tight in Elderbeast’s teeth,
And the smoke it encircled Monster’s head like a wreath;
Tiny Destroyer had
a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when McStinkStink
laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
The Beast was
chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
The sister girls
laughed when they saw him, in spite of themselves;
A wink of Stink
Weed’s eye and a twist of Boodycat’s head,
Soon gave me to know Buggabo
Buttcheeks had nothing to dread;
Sugarlump spoke
not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying Magpie’s
finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
Farfurtnoogen sprang
to his sleigh, to Doodlebug gave a
whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But Pupa-dooch
heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!
