Twas the Night Before Christmas

Thank you for all of the wonderful contributions to make this hilarious rendition of Clement Clarke Moore's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. Merry Christmas to all!

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a stinker was stirring, not even a stinker-poo-pot;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Booger Butt soon would be there;

Sugar Lips, Turd Bird, and Sammich were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And Dingleberry in her 'kerchief, and Little Pumpkin in his cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

Tush and Mush sprang from bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window Turkey Butt flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what Little Bear's wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

Scooter Poop knew in a moment it must be Torpedo.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And Sugar Britches whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, BUTT MUNCH! now, BUG! now, BOOBULA and BUTTON!

On, BEEFY! on BOON BOON! on, BOOGA and BAPPLE NUMMY SUM!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and Cocoa Bear too.

And then, in a twinkling, Cootie Pie heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As Nugget drew in her hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Small Friend came with a bound.

Skeezer was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And Bean Tiger’s clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys Doogha had flung on his back,

And Poopadoo looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

The General’s eyes -- how they twinkled! J-Dog’s dimples how merry!

Whoa Whoa’s cheeks were like roses, Stinker Butt’s nose like a cherry!

Goober’s droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of Cubby Bear’s chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe held tight in Elderbeast’s teeth,

And the smoke it encircled Monster’s head like a wreath;

Tiny Destroyer had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when McStinkStink laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

The Beast was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

The sister girls laughed when they saw him, in spite of themselves;

A wink of Stink Weed’s eye and a twist of Boodycat’s head,

Soon gave me to know Buggabo Buttcheeks had nothing to dread;

Sugarlump spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying Magpie’s finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

Farfurtnoogen sprang to his sleigh, to Doodlebug gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But Pupa-dooch heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!